It's almost time! If you've ever seen Halloween III: Season of the Witch I'm afraid a certain commercial theme tune is probably starting to surface in your memory as you skim past this one. A cold sweat is probably forming as you realise it won't go away all day now, or maybe it will stay there even longer. This will be a bit of a Tom Atkins double feature so I'll also be covering Maniac Cop, but for now it's all about rubber masks, microchips and secret Stonehenge plots that make about as much sense as the title of the movie. Sometimes you've just got to give into the musically induced madness I suppose, even if you end up sitting there rocking in front of the screen by the end.
The story goes that back in the day John Carpenter felt that Halloween should be an anthology series, a bit like like Creepshow or any number of other spooky chapter based features. Imagine it; a whole series of '80s horror movies set in and around October 31st without ever being connected to one another. The late night viewing marathons would have been glorious. So would the soundtracks. He wrote Halloween II, in which Dr. Loomis blew himself up taking Michael Myers with him, to ensure they'd have to move on. That was that; they were very definitely dead. Of course things went down rather differently because of audience expectations and as everyone knows the Shatner mask made a come back; for better or worse.
The result was a slew of sequels about magic rocks and online reality shows. So maybe part three isn't so out of place after all? I guess Carpenter eventually gave this format another shot with Body Bags several years later, but this is all a case of what could have been. But I digress, onto this less than usual instalment. Dr. Challis (Tom Atkins) begins investigating a shady toy making corporation after the murder of a shop owner at his hospital. It's... an odd death to say the least, in which the guy's head was squashed by the bare hands of an unknown assailant who proceeded to casually burnt himself alive. The real question is what is Challis doing since he isn't a detective; what's the deal here? Maybe it's not worth dwelling on, since the rest of the story doesn't follow much internal logic either.
Looking into a mask the victim was clutching he visits Conal Cochran (Dan O'Herlihy) the big boss of Silver Shamrock novelties. But nothing is simple, and what goes down is a conspiracy involving neolithic stones, robots, and TV broadcast signals that turn people's brains into a rotting mass of insects and snakes. The same old clichés. The murder victim's daughter Ellie (Stacey Nerlkin) comes along for the ride and the duo look into a strange rural village the company seems to have under its possession. What has all this to do with 'the big giveaway' being promoted on television? What's really going on and how does the tour Cochran has set up for a potential business partner and his family have to do with a secret underground lab?
Did I mention that there are robots? Sorry but spoilers warnings or not it never seems a reveal that feels like it belongs here. Actual androids too, not just mechanical toys which would make too much sense. Maybe this was part of a separate script, or even a two part movie, one about machines and the other about the age of witchcraft in Ireland. It's impossible to say. At one point in the story Challis is captured, and like a classic 007 villain Cochran leaves him alone to die unsupervised. But not without having a good old rambling monologue about his evil plan of course. Except he doesn't explain... anything really. He just laughs and starts a vagary about ancient rituals, astrology and human sacrifice.
It's by no means a great movie; maybe that much is clear from this description. But it's mostly weird and fun with John Carpenter on dual producing and music writing duty. You can read some kind of subtextual themes into all of this I guess, if you really wanted to. Maybe it's all a clever critique of the commercial nature of Halloween, or the negative influence of modern TV advertising techniques on fertile young minds. Maybe? Then again maybe it's just all so silly that this probably isn't worth a lot of deep thought. Still, it's full of the expected keyboard tunes and has plenty of memorable moments.
Where else would you get such a weird mixture of fantasy and science fiction? You'd have to watch two properly formed movies instead, and that's likely to be less amusing. Or is that bemusing. In the end these two genres never successfully merge... or really feel adequately explored at all. But I guess that's all part of the charm. They still should have changed the title instead of making it look like sequel though. It's one of those movies that will be too absurd for some viewers and just the right kind of nonsense for others. Personally I have to be in a particular mood, but it's one that still strikes me occasionally.
3/5
BONUS REVIEW
Onto something less bizarre with the other story in this double feature; Maniac Cop. Considering the lurid title (designed to catch eyes in the video store no doubt) it's surprisingly straightforward. Again there's a murder plot with as Detective McCrae (Tom Atkins) investigates a series of reports involving a sinister man in uniform (Robert Z'Dar) killing randomly on the streets of New York. I guess it's the moustache which lands him these kinds of authority figure parts. I have to admit he doesn't look right in films where he's clean shaven. Anyway, there are plenty of standard mystery moments as the identity of the maniac is slowly revealed, and soon McCrae discovers that the killer is being fed information from inside the police force.
As a result the prime suspect is not the hulking mystery man but Officer Forrest (Bruce Campbell) who finds that he's been framed for one of the deaths. Amusingly for genre fans this isn't the only Evil Dead link included, and there are some other familiar faces as bit parts along the way. It's pretty well made considering the trashy premise, with a haunting theme tune adding a lot of atmosphere. Purely as a horror picture things aren't particularly creative in terms of slasher deaths, although the climax has some great stunt moments. It's just a pity that this is a simple car chase in broad daylight. The slower pacing is effective and the choice of lighting to disguise the antagonist is a neat idea during the first two acts.
The sequel which adds Robert Davi to the cast has a lot more bizarre elements including a second serial killer and several other oddball characters. There's also a chainsaw attack scene and a whole lot of fire burn stunts during the finale. There's more over acting, and more vehicular mayhem. The original plot was fairly straightforward, but things get more convoluted as the events which created the titular maniac are expanded on. Visually it's more interesting with extra neon lighting and better make-up effects, but overall it's not really an improvement in quality. Taken as a double bill these aren't classics but are probably worth the time of anyone into this period of schlock cinema.
3/5
